05 August 2010

From Mr Metaphor

Don’t you think its quite hard to write anything as a first message without sounding like the rest of them.... hi, how are you? Blah Blah blah....copy and paste, copy and paste, just seems to be a bit..... blend and predictable.... so instead I am going to.... sell you myself as a dish (being a culinary wizard and all that) for some banter back (hopefully)... and whats better to break the ice than something cheesy, hey?!

so here we go.....

A well-dressed sporty gentleman dish of honest food of good quality. Diverse, can be consumed as a formal meal or causual lunch/dinner. A dish cooked by a confident chef with no excess oil (baggage), lots of cheeky banter, fun, spontaneous ideas and "get up and go" attitude. A naturally warm dish, the heat in this lasts a while and particuarly good for winter months for indoor and outdoor environment (i.e I dont get cold, rather than anything sinister). A dish best accompanied with chablis or any good white wine

Warning: This dish does not come with (couch) potato

so would this lady like to see the rest of the menu? or do you prefer a boring chat up?

Dear Mr Metaphor. Thanks for your email. Unfortunately, I have recently been diagnosed as metaphor-intolerant and have been put on a very strict imaginary diet. I fear that if we were to meet, my head would symbolically swell up to the size of a durian, I'd break out in a pseudo-leprotic rash and then would invariably die of imaginary anaphalaxis. It is therefore in my metaphysical welfare to stay well away from you. I'm sure you will understand. Yours, allegorically allergic.

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