Hi. I am holding my version of Sir Alan's Sugar 'The Apprentice'. Lately all candidates have been fired before the end of the show. I thought you might be willing to participate!
Dear Mr Entrepreneur. Thanks for your email. I'm sorry, I thought this was a dating site? Correct me if I'm wrong, but where on a personal profile including headers such as sexual preference, romantic habits and lifestyle choices would I find boxes for employment history, career goals and references? Given the fact I'm single and on a dating site, I can't guarantee that any referees of my 'former romantic employment' would be likely to give me a sparkling reference. At least nothing for skills that Lord Sugar would approve of. So either you have genuinely mistaken this website for some sort of high-powered management recruitment scheme or you have some slightly perverted I'll-Be-The-Lord-You-Be-My-Badger fantasy in mind. If it's the former case, my suggestion is make the most of these single ladies that are just one misguided email away. But if it's the latter, then shame on you, you dirty badger-masterbating bastard. Yours, fired.
Desperate times call for desperate measures friends. Gone are the days of meeting your future spouse at a wedding or at work. Oh no. Nowadays, it's either e-dating or no dating. I'm not ashamed to admit to being an internet dating tourist, and one thing that impresses/distresses me more than anything are some of the messages that wheedle their way into my inbox. And some of these are just too good to be left unacknowledged. So here they are, in all their glory. Plus the replies I never sent.
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