1. An Oscar nominee came to your house - clearly you're trying to impress here, but the fact you've not even name-dropped means it must be someone nominated for the most obscure category, such as Best Use of the Word Merkin in a Foreign Film, or Best Animal Fluffer. No.
2. You invented a Funky Octopus dance - you may call it 'funky', but I'll bet your friends call it 'an embarrassing drunken shambles worthy of public mockery and exposition on Youtube'. No.
3. You trespassed in the Blue Peter garden - this alone is sacrilege. I couldn't be seen with someone with such little respect for one of our good nation's treasures. No.
But, since I'm in a playful mood, I'll set you a challenge too. Your challenge is to work out which of the facts about me is not true. And then, if you would still consider going on a date with me.
1. According to my beautician, I am in the top 5% of people with the highest density of body hair ever found on a human back
2. I suffer from a rare condition called Fish Odour Syndrome.
3. My false leg has a snap-on attachment for roller skates.
4. I hold the record for the most toenails eaten in an hour.
Can you tell what it is yet? Answers on a postcard. Yours, truthfully.