04 August 2010

From Mr Minimalist

you are truely stunning

Dear Mr Minimalist. Thanks for your email, albeit a very brief email. What, no intro? No hi, hello or howdy? Not even a cheap shot at a kiss at the end, or a sniff of a full stop, exclamation mark or rogue asterisk? And I don't mean to be a pedant, but in terms of spelling, your message is 25% incorrect. Anyway technicalities aside, I would dearly love to be able to return the compliment, but you don't have appear to have any pictures on your profile. I have therefore deduced that you are either unfeasibly and inappropriately unattractive, permanently scarred facially by a freak incident involving a squirrel, a stapler and a chip pan, or, you're ginger. And looks aside, you've skimped on the text side too. I shall cut and paste your personal statement to prove said point:

I like going to pubs and clubs, non-smoker. Can cook.

And in terms of who you're looking to meet, it's true, I do fit your specified criteria, but that's only because I'm somewhere between the ages of 18 and 55, have some sort of body shape, and my height is somewhere between Warwick Davis and Andre the Giant. In short, it's a little hard to feel special when it seems pretty much anyone will do, as long as they physically exist in space and have a pulse; hair optional, apparently. Yours, unflatterdly

No comments:

Post a Comment

Check out my other dating blog 52 First Dates