15 August 2010

From Mr Spammer

i woud like to get to know you i have to be honst to you my wrting is very pour i will tall you i bit a bout me name is mr spammer single never married never been in a relationship lived in manchester all my life employed yes currently driver small mecanical sweeper held down job for 25 yrs hobbies like todrink occasional like watching movies going to the cinema living situation with parents i am very good hearted man with a lot a love and affection to give to the right person i am serious but no how to have fun i am loyal understanding frienly and kind herted i am trustworthy straigt hope know an no i do knot have ane kids i looking fo honst and love let see waer it gos love mr spammer if you aer still want to know

Dear Mr Spammer. Many thanks for your email. I'll be honest, I'm not sure we're entirely compatible. Yes, I tick the right boxes for you, but according to your profile your only criteria for a potential girlfriend is someone who's between the ages of 18 and 90 (is there anyone over 80 on these sites? I'd almost want to hear from them!). And what I've deduced from your profile, apart from the fact that you've clearly been cutting and pasting your well-worded personal statement and spamming every lady on here between the aforementioned ages, is that you are 5' tall and 46 years old, the only two criteria that fall well out of my specified ranges. This isn't the first time I've spotted this tactic on these websites, and I'll be honest, us ladies like to feel special when a potential suitor is trying to woo us. And cutting and pasting just doesn't cut it with me sunshine. No siree. So next time you're sitting with your laptop whilst your dad's snoozing in his chair and your mum's putting your tea on, maybe take a little time to write something a little bit personal, rather than, let's face it, a little bit desperate. Good luck with your search, I have ever confidence that Miss Mechanical Sweeper is just one click away. Yours, unspammingly.

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