28 August 2010

From Mr Schmaltz

Hi beautiful how are u?I really like the smile in your face u also look impresive just the type of lady I had always dream about,I had never believed love at first sight until I saw u in this site.Do u know why in this crowd u had caught my eyes?
Babe this is called chemistry.I believe I can fly and touch the sky if u be with me!!

Dear Mr Schmaltz. Thanks for your email. You've done me a real favour actually, I thought I'd eaten something dodgy at lunchtime and had been feeling dicky all day, but your email has helped me purge the entire contents of my stomach and I feel a lot better now. So thanks. And as for chemistry, well, the only chemistry here involves the acid from my guts and the bleach in the toilet. Yours, biliously.

PS. R Kelly has been on the phone - he wants his lyrics back.

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