I hope you are well?
Please forgive me for being forward but my name is David and I live in the county of Derbyshire (UK). I am single never married and no children. I am honest and true and believe in old fashion values but like to have fun and be adventurous, willing to try new things when given the chance. I like to travel and have had the opportunity to travel to some wonderful place around the world. I have been told that I am a very good listener and I am more than capable of keeping a secret and being discreet. I would very much value the chance to get to know because you look and sound such a beautiful and charming lady. Please forgive me but I tend to be a little on the reserved side until I get to know someone.
Thank you for taking the time to read this message
Dear Mr Misdirection. Thanks for your email. You have me perplexed, I'm not entirely sure what you're after from your email. It would appear from your formal preamble that you're addressing me much like you would the recipient of a cover letter for a job application. But then with your line about being discreet and capable of keeping a secret, you're almost implying I have some deep dark something that you'd more than happily withhold as some kind of leverage or emotional blackmail for me. Both of these aspects trouble me greatly, as I neither want to employ you, nor do I want you to use the fact I am a cross-dressing, dole-spanking, wrist-slitting, man-beating crack whore against me. Thank you. Yours, befuddledly
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