Desperate times call for desperate measures friends. Gone are the days of meeting your future spouse at a wedding or at work. Oh no. Nowadays, it's either e-dating or no dating. I'm not ashamed to admit to being an internet dating tourist, and one thing that impresses/distresses me more than anything are some of the messages that wheedle their way into my inbox. And some of these are just too good to be left unacknowledged. So here they are, in all their glory. Plus the replies I never sent.
26 September 2010
From Master Inexperienced
Hey =D, I'm going to be pretty straight forward with you in this message lol
Basically I have absolutetly zero experience with girls :-(
I'm looking for a woman, prefferably older who can show me the ropes. : )
Reply back if you would like to talk or know more
Oh and If i have offended you in ANY way from this message, im really sorry :/
Dear Master Inexperienced. Thanks for your email. I am not offended in the slightest. In fact, I am rather flattered that you have asked me to help kick start your education in the subjects of sexual studies, female biology and carnal knowledge. I would most definitely be willing to show you the ways of the world, but I do have some ground rules:
1. You do not make reference to our 12 year age gap.
2. You do not tell your friends I am your girlfriend.
3. You follow my instructions to the letter.
4. No tears before, during or afterwards, please.
5. You tidy your room first young man, from your profile pictures it's a complete pigsty.
Now that's all sorted, we can begin. Come to Mama.
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