Dear Mr Direct. Thanks for your email. And, indeed, ur pone (sic) number, which, I will admit, I have no intention of using. But why, I hear you ask (or 'bt y' more like). Well, for starters, what exactly are you lkinng (sic) for? I'll tell you what I'm looking for. Someone who uses proper English: full sentences, proper words, some semblance of grammar, not some sort of psuedo-teen-text-lingo that will no doubt be the death of our fine language within a decade. Someone that, quite frankly, doesn't invent words using a totally random combination of letters. And someone who doesn't model their entire image on Dappy from N-Dubz. Anyway, soz2 av wstid yr tym, bt i must go n b sic (sic). Yrs, literately.