04 July 2010

From Mr Bland

Hi. How are you? Ive just joined so I'm not exactly sure how this all works but I saw your profile and I thought I would say hello. Have you had a good weekend? Ive had quite a heavy one, went out for a quick beer after work Friday night and ended up getting the last train home and last night was a friends birthday. Today I'm being the good son and come over to help my mum decorate her bedroom. Anyway hope you've had a good one and hopefully speak to you soon.

Dear Mr Bland. Thanks for your email, from which I've woken up just long enough to send you this reply. Quite clearly, you must have a vague idea how internet dating works, since you've signed up to the site, given them lots of your hard-earned cash, written a profile nearly as banal as your missive, and then made contact with another human being. Well done you. I am pleased you managed to get the last train home, since goodness knows what night time ills may have befallen you otherwise. I'll wager your friends would be waiting with baited breath for the ensuing anecdote about how you had to get a taxi instead. God forbid. Just out of interest, what colour are you painting your mother's bedroom? Beige? Magnolia? Vanilla? The same colour as your trousers in every one of your 8 pictures and, presumably the same colour as your soul? Yours, soporifically.

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