27 October 2010

From Mr Big Stuff

Well..well...well...helloooooooooo gorgeous personage !!

I probably don't qualify... but what the hell.. after all... faint heart ne'er won fair doo dah..
Too late I'll warrant... ah well...
I suspect that this email lies somewhere between No 846 and 961... nevertheless....
I was marginally intrigued (and amused ) by your most charming and inviting profile. A kindred spirit indeed !!!
So much so that I was forcibly dragged to the computer to put pen to paper, so to speak !!!!!
I have just joined this website. Thank goodness !!... How else would I have met you...!!. However I’m still not too sure about chatting attractive (as I see that that you are)females using this email malarky !!!

Anyway a bit about me :
I am a very rich 50 (damn curse and blast!) year old bad boy living in London.

Why do I need to tell you that I am rich ? Is it really necessary ? And, pray, why am I a bad boy ?
I’m sure that a prompt receipt of a missive from your good self will elicit from me the answers to these life enhancing questions............and more ........!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now the reason my profile is somewhat sparse with no current photo, is because I am well known in certain parts of the West End of London and I do need to protect my identity. I would be happy to send you my photos, now that I have established I don’t already know you !!!

I am well aware that I am not as young as you would like... but nevertheless I am highly experienced sexually, ( and I am sure you are well aware that any man who claims this tends to be wholly inadequate..so there !!), and have very many attributes.. so if you would care to further explore this delicate contact.. I would of course be delighted...ta !!

Kindest Regards
Mr Big Stuff ..

P.S. I just lurrve exclamation marks !!!!!!!!!

Dear Mr Big Stuff. Thanks for your email. So you're 50 years old and brag-worthily rich - well done you, is one supposed to cancel out the other in the mind of male-daters? Well what redeeming characteristic can you boast about to compensate for your frightening adoration for certain forms of punctuation? What also concerns me slightly is how famous (or infamous) you may be around the West End - and by my powers of deduction you are either the old guy in Les Miserables, the old guy in Oliver! or one of the old guys in Waiting For Godot. In any case, consider this one fair doo-dah you've not won. Sorry. Yours, confuddledly

No comments:

Post a Comment

Check out my other dating blog 52 First Dates