13 October 2010

From Mr Maybelline

You are really nice and attractive woman. I like your face. X

Dear Mr Maybelline. Thanks for your email. I can't say I feel the same about your face I'm afraid. You see, I'm not sure I could date a man whose eyebrows were more immaculately coiffured than my own. I'm fairly certain I don't see Pat Butcher eyeshadow as a desired quality in a potential suitor and I'm positive I couldn't go out with a man who wears blusher like Raggedy-bloody-Ann. Even your cleavage is better than mine. In short, if I wanted to date someone who wore as much slap as you, I'd be a lesbian. With better taste at that. But I'm not. I'm also not entirely convinced I'm up your proverbial street either, but I suspect it's just your way of getting your mits on my Max Factor. Cheeky. And still no. Yours, cosmetically

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