oh just saw the perfect guy for you
oh sorry it was just me walking past a mirror
how you doing?
Dear Mr Vain. Thanks for your email. Perhaps if you had taken your eyes off your own glorious physique for just one moment, you would have noticed that in the background of your profile you appear to have a bunk bed, with a poster of The Rock, a Liverpool FC duvet set and matching wallpaper? You're 33 years old. Either you really need to work on your interior decoration if you ever want a woman to set foot in your boudoir, or, more worryingly, you've photographed yourself topless in some young boys bedroom. No and most definitely no! Yours, concernedly.
31 August 2010
From Mr Pole
Hi there, Your profile has just attracted me... I am a Polish guy of 46 now. Actually am on my vacation in Poland. I am a merchant by profession and travel quite a bit in business and off. I like off road riding my ATV, badminton, swimming, lakes and nature, open terrain and live music but rather in small auditoriums. I gonna go to Leising, Germany on 5th Sep, to see Blackmore's Night concert in a medieval outdoor setting. Are you interested to join in ? Good occasion to get to know each other. Mind the distance ! LOL I also prefer to chop the wood for my fire place instead of working out in a crowded gym. I look for an open minded, passionate woman, who could share my love for music, travells and other things in life... Be well
Dear Mr Pole. Thanks for your email. Are you suggesting that for my first date with a totally random and rather suspicious-looking 46 year old Polish resident whom I have only ever had one email from, who has an apparent penchant for chopping wood and racket sports, that I hop on a plane and whizz over to Germany to listen to some random concert in what may well be some sort of odd Scandinavian battle re-enactment? Are you serious? See that there, that's caution being thrown to the wind. Count me in! I'll be the one with plaits and a buxom wench's costume. Yours, Germanically
Dear Mr Pole. Thanks for your email. Are you suggesting that for my first date with a totally random and rather suspicious-looking 46 year old Polish resident whom I have only ever had one email from, who has an apparent penchant for chopping wood and racket sports, that I hop on a plane and whizz over to Germany to listen to some random concert in what may well be some sort of odd Scandinavian battle re-enactment? Are you serious? See that there, that's caution being thrown to the wind. Count me in! I'll be the one with plaits and a buxom wench's costume. Yours, Germanically
28 August 2010
From Mr Typo
Hi ,I notice you are beautiful, gorgeous and stunning what I trying to say I find you very attractive.
I would like to get to know you and see where it may lead.
I am highly spirited, and a bit crazy, but I will let you be the judge :-)
Drop us a lime, xxx
Dear Mr Typo. Thanks for your email. Here you go.
Yours, fruitily.
I would like to get to know you and see where it may lead.
I am highly spirited, and a bit crazy, but I will let you be the judge :-)
Drop us a lime, xxx
Dear Mr Typo. Thanks for your email. Here you go.
From Mr Nice Guy
hi im mr nice guy from yorkshire i think you look really nice. i like films,music,wildlife,football,games and photography.Im a niceguy and not just after my leg over,im romantic and considerate and im very interested in what you get up to as a scientist.Hope you write back soon.
Dear Mr Nice Guy. Thanks for your email. I'm pleased that your sole purpose for contacting me was not to get your leg over, but you genuinely want to find out about my work as a scientist. I'll tell you about it now. I'm a master when it comes to chemistry, and one area of my expertise is concocting complex chemical compounds in cocktails. In physics terms, I'm very competent when it comes to Newton's various laws, with the exception of after I've been practising my chemistry and I do like to put the laws of gravity to the test. Biologically speaking, I'm very aware of the facts of life, bodily functions and have been known to put both into practise in real life on the odd occasion. In short, I know fuck all about science. Because I work in television. I've always worked in television, and it says so on my profile. So god knows who you thought you were writing to, but it certainly wasn't me! Yours, unscientifically
Dear Mr Nice Guy. Thanks for your email. I'm pleased that your sole purpose for contacting me was not to get your leg over, but you genuinely want to find out about my work as a scientist. I'll tell you about it now. I'm a master when it comes to chemistry, and one area of my expertise is concocting complex chemical compounds in cocktails. In physics terms, I'm very competent when it comes to Newton's various laws, with the exception of after I've been practising my chemistry and I do like to put the laws of gravity to the test. Biologically speaking, I'm very aware of the facts of life, bodily functions and have been known to put both into practise in real life on the odd occasion. In short, I know fuck all about science. Because I work in television. I've always worked in television, and it says so on my profile. So god knows who you thought you were writing to, but it certainly wasn't me! Yours, unscientifically
From Mr Ungrammatical
hi there, don’t accept to be single.
ur certainly genius, u must be a classic at grammer. is it love ur looking for or relationship?? sorry to ask. jst wana get ur point right.
Dear Mr Ungrammatical. Thanks for your email. Er...what? Seriously...what? It's true, all my friends know me for being 'a classic at grammer', well done for picking up on that. Unfortunately, I'm looking for someone similarly 'classic at grammer', and since you don't even know how to spell the word in the first place, I don't think that's you. Sorry. Yours, classically
ur certainly genius, u must be a classic at grammer. is it love ur looking for or relationship?? sorry to ask. jst wana get ur point right.
Dear Mr Ungrammatical. Thanks for your email. Er...what? Seriously...what? It's true, all my friends know me for being 'a classic at grammer', well done for picking up on that. Unfortunately, I'm looking for someone similarly 'classic at grammer', and since you don't even know how to spell the word in the first place, I don't think that's you. Sorry. Yours, classically
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