Hey how are you?
I have seen your profile and I thought I would say hi. I am new to all this online searching. I was kind of unsure how to approach you so opted for the simple approach. I hope my message is deemed worthy of a response.
I also hope me being asian is not a problem as I know this can be for some people.
I will also be honest from the outset and let you know I am a serving prisoner and have been for 5 years. I am in an open jail on day releases.
Should you have any questions then please do not hesitate to ask.
Hope to hear from you soon.
Dear Mr Honest. Thanks for your email. I appreciate you being so upfront about your personal situation, there are so many dishonest people online and it's good to know that not everyone is out to deceive you and keep deep dark secrets from you. It's probably time for a little honesty from me too. Please don't take this too personally, but I don't think I could date you. It's nothing to do with you being a convicted criminal doing time or anything like that, I just couldn't go out with someone Asian. But good luck with your search, I'm sure the right lady is just a phone call and a bail cheque away. Yours, sincerely
Desperate times call for desperate measures friends. Gone are the days of meeting your future spouse at a wedding or at work. Oh no. Nowadays, it's either e-dating or no dating. I'm not ashamed to admit to being an internet dating tourist, and one thing that impresses/distresses me more than anything are some of the messages that wheedle their way into my inbox. And some of these are just too good to be left unacknowledged. So here they are, in all their glory. Plus the replies I never sent.
21 February 2011
From Mr Optimistic
Hi ya, im mr optimistic...please dont judge just on my pics....im the nicest guy you will meet x
Dear Mr Optimistic. Thanks for your email. Don't just you by your photos you say? Well that's exactly the sort of thing an obese, bug-eyed, balding bog-beast would say, isn't it?
Oh...
Yours, taxi???
Dear Mr Optimistic. Thanks for your email. Don't just you by your photos you say? Well that's exactly the sort of thing an obese, bug-eyed, balding bog-beast would say, isn't it?
Oh...
Yours, taxi???
From Mr Lover
You’re mental i think i'm in love!
Dear Mr Lover. Thanks for your email. You're in love? You're mental. Yours, sanely.
Dear Mr Lover. Thanks for your email. You're in love? You're mental. Yours, sanely.
From Mr Tentative
hello there!
Ive just returned to this site and saw your profile, your gorgeous! I know you'll be inundated with messages but thought Id try and get your attention and hopefully a reply!
Apologies for not having anything on my profile, guess I should fill it all in again. Im surprised they hadnt deleted my account, been over a year! Hows it going on here for you?
I left because of all the weirdos so just wanted to check that your not one of them! Any axe murdering history i should be aware of? lol Bunny boiler? Oh i know, worst of the lot..... anorak trainspotter?!! Hope not!!
Hopefully Ill hear from you soon
x
Dear Mr Tentative. Thanks for your email. Don't worry, I'm no axe-wielding, bunny-boiling, anorak-wearing trainspotter, I know there are a heck of a lot of freaks out there on the internet, but I'd like to assure you I'm nothing of the sort. I'd love to meet you for a drink if you're still interested and not too disappointed? Let me know. Yours, a pistol-toting, guinea-pig butchering, cagoule-sporting tram-watcher
Ive just returned to this site and saw your profile, your gorgeous! I know you'll be inundated with messages but thought Id try and get your attention and hopefully a reply!
Apologies for not having anything on my profile, guess I should fill it all in again. Im surprised they hadnt deleted my account, been over a year! Hows it going on here for you?
I left because of all the weirdos so just wanted to check that your not one of them! Any axe murdering history i should be aware of? lol Bunny boiler? Oh i know, worst of the lot..... anorak trainspotter?!! Hope not!!
Hopefully Ill hear from you soon
x
Dear Mr Tentative. Thanks for your email. Don't worry, I'm no axe-wielding, bunny-boiling, anorak-wearing trainspotter, I know there are a heck of a lot of freaks out there on the internet, but I'd like to assure you I'm nothing of the sort. I'd love to meet you for a drink if you're still interested and not too disappointed? Let me know. Yours, a pistol-toting, guinea-pig butchering, cagoule-sporting tram-watcher
From Mr Concerned
So, do you think size is something men should really be worrying about?
Dear Mr Concerned. Thanks for your email. Yes, size is definitely something men should be worrying about. If it's height they're fretting about, no woman likes to date a man who could pass as her child or her pet. If it's car size they're stressing about, no woman likes to have a baked bean tin for a chariot. If it's penis size they're concerned about, no woman likes to feel like the Royal Albert Hall is being swept out using a dustpan and brush. I hope that's made you feel better. Please do feel free to run your measurements by me any time, just as long as they're extraordinarily impressive. Yours, seismically.
Dear Mr Concerned. Thanks for your email. Yes, size is definitely something men should be worrying about. If it's height they're fretting about, no woman likes to date a man who could pass as her child or her pet. If it's car size they're stressing about, no woman likes to have a baked bean tin for a chariot. If it's penis size they're concerned about, no woman likes to feel like the Royal Albert Hall is being swept out using a dustpan and brush. I hope that's made you feel better. Please do feel free to run your measurements by me any time, just as long as they're extraordinarily impressive. Yours, seismically.
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