29 September 2010

From Mr Guardian Angel

why were you crying the other night?

Dear Mr Guardian Angel. Thanks for your email. Er, what? Seriously, what? Let's gloss over the fact that this is a dating site and we are two complete strangers. Not only are we total strangers, but you have bugger all knowledge of what may or may not go on in my life. But since you're curious, here are the possible reasons why I may have shed a tear or two recently:

- I got my phone bill through.
- I had my weekly epillation session. 
- I had a stonking head cold.
- I was literally bored to tears.
- I managed to sew myself into my cross stitch.
- Bambi's mother died. That still disturbs me when I think about it.

Or, and more realistically, I've not cried at all. Or more to the point, it's absolutely none of your business. That freakish 'I'm such a perceptive man, why don't you spill your spiritual beans to me and I'll be so sympathetic you'll let me bonk you by bedtime' act does not wash with me. So there. Yours, dry-eyedly.

PS. Do you have any Kleenex? I appear to have run out...

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