Great pics darlin!;) How are you? Would love to get to know you a bit, what do you think? Any interest?;) If so I'll give you a chance to bite on my corny chat up line... What did the elephant say to the polar bear on a trip to the north pole?
Dear Mr Chat Up Line 2. Thanks for your email. Ooh, I know this one, I believe the conversation went as follows:
Elephant: 'Excuse me, I appear to be lost, could you tell me where I am?'
Polar Bear: 'You're in the North Pole mate.'
Elephant: 'Oh right, that would explain all the snow wouldn't it. Ah, bum. That's quite a long way away from where I wanted to be really.'
Polar Bear: 'Where did you want to go mate? I've got Googlemaps on my phone.
Elephant: 'Well I was hoping to go to India. I escaped from London Zoo a couple of weeks ago but I appear to have taken a wrong turn somewhere.'
Polar Bear: 'Yeah, looks like it doesn't it. Well, according to this, if you turn right over there, and keep walking for about 72 days, you should make it to India.'
Elephant: 'Ah great, thanks very much for your help.'
Polar Bear: 'No problem mate, no problem at all. Listen, before you head off, I don't suppose you could do me a favour could you?'
Elephant: 'Sure, no problem, it's the least I can do to repay your kindness, I'd have been really stuck if you hadn't helped me! What can I do?'
Polar Bear: 'Well as you know there aren't many of us polar bears around these days, what with all the melting ice caps and that, and I've been on me own for months now...'
Elephant: 'Go on...'
Polar Bear: 'Anyway us polar bears arms aren't quite long enough to reach downstairs for gratification if you know what I mean, and I'd heard elephants trunks were renowned for their trunk jobs and...well...I was just wondering if you might oblige a lonely bear.'
The Elephant paused for thought.
Elephant: 'Oh alright then. Just don't expect a reach around...'
Am I right? Not the catchiest punch line in the world, I have to say. Maybe you want to go for a short one liner next time.
Yours, humorously
Desperate times call for desperate measures friends. Gone are the days of meeting your future spouse at a wedding or at work. Oh no. Nowadays, it's either e-dating or no dating. I'm not ashamed to admit to being an internet dating tourist, and one thing that impresses/distresses me more than anything are some of the messages that wheedle their way into my inbox. And some of these are just too good to be left unacknowledged. So here they are, in all their glory. Plus the replies I never sent.
Showing posts with label chat up line. Show all posts
Showing posts with label chat up line. Show all posts
15 October 2010
29 September 2010
From Mr Chat Up Line
im not that good at chating girls up but I will give it a go
your lips look so lonely would they like to meet mine
it would be good if i hear back from you
Dear Mr Chat Up Line. Thanks for your email. You're right, you're not very good at chatting girls up. In answer to your question, no, my lips would not like to meet yours. How could my lips ever be lonely, there are two of them? They keep each other company all the time. Sorry. Yours, lippily
your lips look so lonely would they like to meet mine
it would be good if i hear back from you
Dear Mr Chat Up Line. Thanks for your email. You're right, you're not very good at chatting girls up. In answer to your question, no, my lips would not like to meet yours. How could my lips ever be lonely, there are two of them? They keep each other company all the time. Sorry. Yours, lippily
28 August 2010
From Mr Cheese
hi im mr cheese im 43 south london side of surrey tell me did you hurt yourself when yiou fell from the heavens
Dear Mr Cheese. Thanks for your email. Oh dear lord no, not THIS again. May I refer you to a prior correspondent, and sincerely quest that you don't bring this up again:
http://internet-berating.blogspot.com/2010/08/from-mr-unintentional-existentialist.html
I bid you good day. Yours, despairingly.
Dear Mr Cheese. Thanks for your email. Oh dear lord no, not THIS again. May I refer you to a prior correspondent, and sincerely quest that you don't bring this up again:
http://internet-berating.blogspot.com/2010/08/from-mr-unintentional-existentialist.html
I bid you good day. Yours, despairingly.
14 August 2010
From Mr Bad Chat Up Line
Apart from being sexy, what do you do for a living?
Dear Mr Bad Chat Up Line. Thanks for your email. Unfortunately, I've just been made redundant from my recent position of Being Sexy on account of poor performance, bad colleague relations and general disorganisation. It's a very sore subject and I would rather we not talk about it. Instead, I'm going to pop down to the Jobcentre Plus to see what openings they have for Cynical Singletons and to collect my dole cheque. But if I see any ads for Sleazy Gross One Liner Peddlars, I'll be sure to let you know. Yours, unemployed.
Dear Mr Bad Chat Up Line. Thanks for your email. Unfortunately, I've just been made redundant from my recent position of Being Sexy on account of poor performance, bad colleague relations and general disorganisation. It's a very sore subject and I would rather we not talk about it. Instead, I'm going to pop down to the Jobcentre Plus to see what openings they have for Cynical Singletons and to collect my dole cheque. But if I see any ads for Sleazy Gross One Liner Peddlars, I'll be sure to let you know. Yours, unemployed.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)