Kitchen worktop or comfy bed?
Dear Mr Indecision. Thanks for your email. Well, kitchen worktop of course! You'll never get the carrot stains out of your sheets if you insist on chopping vegetables in bed. Silly billy. Yours, decisively
Desperate times call for desperate measures friends. Gone are the days of meeting your future spouse at a wedding or at work. Oh no. Nowadays, it's either e-dating or no dating. I'm not ashamed to admit to being an internet dating tourist, and one thing that impresses/distresses me more than anything are some of the messages that wheedle their way into my inbox. And some of these are just too good to be left unacknowledged. So here they are, in all their glory. Plus the replies I never sent.
21 December 2010
From Mr Writer
Hi,
Nice fun profile, I am probably too far from you to have
a chance to attract your attention but if you fancy a penfriend,
you do sound like a fun chick to chat with :)
x
Dear Mr Writer. Thanks for your email. I'm sorry, are we back at school? I think you might be on the wrong website - this here is a dating website, which, in case you weren't aware is an online medium for finding a potential romantic partner, not to find someone to whom you can scribble tedious missives about grandparents, school holidays and homework, surrounded by puerile doodles. May I direct you to www.penfriendsreunited.com for such purposes. Yours, pen unfriendly
Nice fun profile, I am probably too far from you to have
a chance to attract your attention but if you fancy a penfriend,
you do sound like a fun chick to chat with :)
x
Dear Mr Writer. Thanks for your email. I'm sorry, are we back at school? I think you might be on the wrong website - this here is a dating website, which, in case you weren't aware is an online medium for finding a potential romantic partner, not to find someone to whom you can scribble tedious missives about grandparents, school holidays and homework, surrounded by puerile doodles. May I direct you to www.penfriendsreunited.com for such purposes. Yours, pen unfriendly
From Mr Gift
Look under the Christmas tree..I'm your gift! I think we could really have fun and hit it off, do you want to meet?
Dear Mr Gift. Thanks for your email. Oh for fuck's sake! I'd been so good this year, and this is what I get? Have you still got the receipt? Even the cash would be preferable, I certainly wouldn't consider your presence good presents. Screw you Santa, next year I'm converting to Judaism. Yours, misgiftedly
Dear Mr Gift. Thanks for your email. Oh for fuck's sake! I'd been so good this year, and this is what I get? Have you still got the receipt? Even the cash would be preferable, I certainly wouldn't consider your presence good presents. Screw you Santa, next year I'm converting to Judaism. Yours, misgiftedly
From Mr Sleaze
Hey,
Great legs!! I'm expecting a txt with the opening times!!
07950 *** ***
Mr Sleaze
Dear Mr Sleaze. Thanks for your email. I regret to inform you that 'Great Legs' has since ceased trading. This is due to the large number of undesirables hanging around the entrance trying to get their hands on the available stock. Management would like to thank you for your interest in 'Great Legs', but strongly advises you take your custom elsewhere. Yours, legrettably.
Great legs!! I'm expecting a txt with the opening times!!
07950 *** ***
Mr Sleaze
Dear Mr Sleaze. Thanks for your email. I regret to inform you that 'Great Legs' has since ceased trading. This is due to the large number of undesirables hanging around the entrance trying to get their hands on the available stock. Management would like to thank you for your interest in 'Great Legs', but strongly advises you take your custom elsewhere. Yours, legrettably.
From Mr Foot Fetishist
Hi, can I kiss your feet ? :)
Dear Mr Foot Fetishist. Thanks for your email. Sure, you can kiss my feet. Can I wax them first? Yours, hobbitually.
Dear Mr Foot Fetishist. Thanks for your email. Sure, you can kiss my feet. Can I wax them first? Yours, hobbitually.
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