genuine offer .................. hi sexi, im mr lick from east london. Doese the idea of a pussy lick n go service take your fancy??????. Very serious. Have a sizzling hot toungue with infinite experience having given pleasure to many women. This will be about your pleasure ONLY, can accommodate, travel or even collect if its a beauti such as you. We dont even have to speak, just a lick n go! ..............
Dear Mr Lick. Thanks for your email. As taken as I am by your spectacularly generous offer of a cunnilingus delivery service, I shall have to gracefully decline, on no other grounds than it's against my religion to let someone touch me with their 'toungue'. Whatever a 'toungue' is...
But well done for your entrepreneurial skills, may I suggest you try contacting the Dragons Den? I hear that Deborah Meaden is in the market for bespoke sexual services, and your Squeals On Wheels business would go down a treat. Literally.
Yours, linguistically
Desperate times call for desperate measures friends. Gone are the days of meeting your future spouse at a wedding or at work. Oh no. Nowadays, it's either e-dating or no dating. I'm not ashamed to admit to being an internet dating tourist, and one thing that impresses/distresses me more than anything are some of the messages that wheedle their way into my inbox. And some of these are just too good to be left unacknowledged. So here they are, in all their glory. Plus the replies I never sent.
13 October 2010
From Mr Soul-Searcher
Hi, I'm Mr Soul-Searcher, considering a critical look of life`s ups and downs that sometimes beclouded ones reasoning with the desirable quest of finding a lasting answer to the ageless urge of every indivudual to find a resting place for body,soul and spirit here on earth. Though lots of world`s greatest school and books on facts of life categorically emphasized that one could not really find 100% rest for soul on earth but unknown to them that just a word could realise that (LOVE) and which has been the fundamental tool in making one successful and joyous in life.
This will keep every being rovering round and round searching for a sincere love and soulmate that would complemement one`s life and make one to fully experience the desired rest on earth. I surely believe that everybody has to come in contact with his or her own soulmate somehow, somewhere and at a particular time in one`s life but the definite time and actual place remains a misery to one`s reasoning and thinking.I am fortunate to have found myself in your world because God has made in such a way that there must be a purpose for ever occurence in life. I regard it as a step which someone has to take to really demystify what everybody regarded as mystery. What buffles me most is I decided noting and hopefully anticipating your warm welcome so as to free up a soul and a conscience I will definitely and happily tell you all who and what I am on due request from and I would also endeavour to send a pic on request too. Please pardon me to have desired for a solace in your world.
Yours sincerely,
Mr Soul-Searcher
Dear Mr Soul-Searcher. Thanks for your email. Are you looking for a soul mate, salvation, or the answer to life, the universe and everything? I think you may be looking in the wrong place, I'm just here to find a casual fuck. Sorry. Good luck though. Or something. Yours, soullessly
This will keep every being rovering round and round searching for a sincere love and soulmate that would complemement one`s life and make one to fully experience the desired rest on earth. I surely believe that everybody has to come in contact with his or her own soulmate somehow, somewhere and at a particular time in one`s life but the definite time and actual place remains a misery to one`s reasoning and thinking.I am fortunate to have found myself in your world because God has made in such a way that there must be a purpose for ever occurence in life. I regard it as a step which someone has to take to really demystify what everybody regarded as mystery. What buffles me most is I decided noting and hopefully anticipating your warm welcome so as to free up a soul and a conscience I will definitely and happily tell you all who and what I am on due request from and I would also endeavour to send a pic on request too. Please pardon me to have desired for a solace in your world.
Yours sincerely,
Mr Soul-Searcher
Dear Mr Soul-Searcher. Thanks for your email. Are you looking for a soul mate, salvation, or the answer to life, the universe and everything? I think you may be looking in the wrong place, I'm just here to find a casual fuck. Sorry. Good luck though. Or something. Yours, soullessly
From Mr Inept
stumbling on your profile aint no mistake and i guess i came on here at the right time.really don't know what to say ,,you are beautiful and exquisite sorry if i sound rude but i just ve 2 appreciate the fact that u are pretty.hi,,my name is Mr inept,how u doing and nice stumbling on ur profile
Dear Mr Inept. You might want to watch your literary step, you've stumbled across my profile twice in one paragraph. Clumsy. Please be careful not to trample my metaphors. Yours, felicitously
Dear Mr Inept. You might want to watch your literary step, you've stumbled across my profile twice in one paragraph. Clumsy. Please be careful not to trample my metaphors. Yours, felicitously
From Mr Common Ground
im single like you, so what due say
Dear Mr Common Ground. Thanks for your email. You're single too? Wow, what are the odds? Seriously? This is astonishing! Could this be fate? Can you imagine the stories at our wedding? I can picture it now:
'How did you meet?'
'Well, this is quite an amazing story let me tell you. I was on a dating site, and she was on a dating site, and I emailed her, and it turned, out we were both single and...'
Oh.
Let's leave it there, yeah? Yeah.
Yours, obviously.
Dear Mr Common Ground. Thanks for your email. You're single too? Wow, what are the odds? Seriously? This is astonishing! Could this be fate? Can you imagine the stories at our wedding? I can picture it now:
'How did you meet?'
'Well, this is quite an amazing story let me tell you. I was on a dating site, and she was on a dating site, and I emailed her, and it turned, out we were both single and...'
Oh.
Let's leave it there, yeah? Yeah.
Yours, obviously.
From Miss Statistic
TRUE FACT.In the online dating world, women are afraid of meeting a serial killer. Men are afraid of meeting someone “fat.” According to Ann Rule, about 3% of men are psychopaths, of which only a tiny percentage are serial killers Guess we had better stick to girls then! Xx
Dear Miss Statistic. Thanks for your email. Unfortunately, I don't have boobies and front bottoms on my list of desired personal qualities in a partner, and as flattered as I am by your offer, I'll take my chances with the psychopathic 3% of the male race. Because, lets face it, the odds are 33.3 times better than the 100% hit rate of vaginae on women. Thanks, but no thanks. Yours, phallophiliacally
Dear Miss Statistic. Thanks for your email. Unfortunately, I don't have boobies and front bottoms on my list of desired personal qualities in a partner, and as flattered as I am by your offer, I'll take my chances with the psychopathic 3% of the male race. Because, lets face it, the odds are 33.3 times better than the 100% hit rate of vaginae on women. Thanks, but no thanks. Yours, phallophiliacally
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