From Mr Text Speak

hi bbe hw r u? U seem v intresting cn we b m8s?

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Dear Mr Text Speak. Thanks for your email. Well, I say email, but in truth it's more like one of those ridiculous texts that will be the final nail in the frighteningly sad coffin of our beautiful English language. I'm pretty sure the moment you typed that message, the likes of Shakespeare and Proust turned in their graves, the publishers of the Oxford English Dictionary handed in their notices in distress and Stephen Fry shed a subconscious tear in mourning for our mother tongue. I hope you're proud of yourself, you word-murderer. But to be honest, you probably have no idea what I'm talking about, because I've used full words. What a crying shame. Yours, literately

From Mr Tex Spk

easy babez just came across ur
profile n av2say think ur
absoloutly gorgus, if u eva fancy a chat then get bck2me xx

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Dear Mr Tex Spk. Fanks 4da email. I wud get back2u but my tolerinz of tex spk iz rapidly wayneing n id ratha peel of my on skin n bath in viniga than d8 sum1 who finx its exceptible 2 talk or rite dis way. Soz. Urs, eloquintly