Hello!
To love is to share life together
to build special plans just for two
to work side by side
and then smile with pride
as one by one, dreams all come true.
To love is to help and encourage
with smiles and sincere words of praise
to take time to share
to listen and care
in tender, affectionate ways.
To love is to have someone special
one who you can always depend
to be there through the years
sharing laughter and tears
as a partner, a lover, a friend
If you like ugly old gits then I'm the one for you
Love and best wishes whatever your decision
Love Mr Ugly Old Git XXXX
Dear My Ugly Old Git. Thanks for your email. And thanks for sharing such a lovely poem that you've obviously copied and pasted from one of those tacky 'what can I read at someone I hate's wedding to jerk a few tears and make it look like I care' websites. I know I may have written 'I am desperately looking for my very own ugly old git to send me vomit-inducing poetry' on my profile, but to be honest you're a bit too ugly, a tad too old, and a smidge too gittish for even my tastes. So my decision, I'm afraid, is no. No to whatever it is I was supposed to have made a decision on. Yours, decidedly
Desperate times call for desperate measures friends. Gone are the days of meeting your future spouse at a wedding or at work. Oh no. Nowadays, it's either e-dating or no dating. I'm not ashamed to admit to being an internet dating tourist, and one thing that impresses/distresses me more than anything are some of the messages that wheedle their way into my inbox. And some of these are just too good to be left unacknowledged. So here they are, in all their glory. Plus the replies I never sent.
Showing posts with label old. Show all posts
Showing posts with label old. Show all posts
15 August 2010
12 August 2010
From Mr Bus Pass
Hey I was passing and just thought I'd say hi, be rude not to in my book. I know I'm prob out of your age range but I'd love to have a chin wag with you sometime but If I'm not what you're looking for or I don't catch your eye I'll jog-on and leave you be.
Dear Mr Bus Pass. Thanks for your email. Jog on you say? With your dicky hip and ticker? Are you sure that's a good idea? Do me a favour and please keep it to a slow saunter as you roll that zimmer frame on by, I'd hate to have your health on my conscience. Yours, youthfully.
Dear Mr Bus Pass. Thanks for your email. Jog on you say? With your dicky hip and ticker? Are you sure that's a good idea? Do me a favour and please keep it to a slow saunter as you roll that zimmer frame on by, I'd hate to have your health on my conscience. Yours, youthfully.
05 August 2010
From Mr No Os
Hi, Ypu lppk great and spund enchanting!
If ypu'd cpnsider spmepne plder fpr spmething casual then PLEASE reply to me.
What is ypur name, dp u use a partner's full name during mpments of passipn? xxx
Dear Mr No Os. Thanks for your email. Admittedly, the fact that you had to write in capitals in order to get to me reply has made me feel slightly like I'm being begged for some sort of inappropriate favour. With the greatest respect, surely a man of your esteemed years would have thought it prudent to get one's keyboard fixed before trying to e-woo someone half your age? And I literally am half your age. As for using a lover's full name in moments of passion. PLEASE. I can only say to you oh no Mr No Os. Now if you will please excuse me, I have to go and remind myself of my real age. You might want to do so yourself. Yours, youthfully and keyboard-intactly.
Ps. In case it's not just your keyboard that has a problem with Os, here's a translation of the above text:
Dear Mr Np Ps. Thanks fpr ypur email. Admittedly, the fact that ypu had tp write in capitals in prder tp get tp me reply has made me feel slightly like I'm being begged fpr spme sprt pf inapprppriate favpur. With the greatest respect, surely a man pf ypur esteemed years wpuld have thpught it prudent tp get pne's keybpard fixed befpre trying tp e-wpp spmepne half ypur age? And I literally am half ypur age. As for using a lpver's full name in mpments of passipn. PLEASE! I can pnly say tp ypu ph np Mr Np Ps. Npw if ypu will please excuse me, I have tp gp and remind myself pf my real age. Ypu might want tp dp sp ypurself. Ypurs, yputhfully and keybpard-intactly.
If ypu'd cpnsider spmepne plder fpr spmething casual then PLEASE reply to me.
What is ypur name, dp u use a partner's full name during mpments of passipn? xxx
Dear Mr No Os. Thanks for your email. Admittedly, the fact that you had to write in capitals in order to get to me reply has made me feel slightly like I'm being begged for some sort of inappropriate favour. With the greatest respect, surely a man of your esteemed years would have thought it prudent to get one's keyboard fixed before trying to e-woo someone half your age? And I literally am half your age. As for using a lover's full name in moments of passion. PLEASE. I can only say to you oh no Mr No Os. Now if you will please excuse me, I have to go and remind myself of my real age. You might want to do so yourself. Yours, youthfully and keyboard-intactly.
Ps. In case it's not just your keyboard that has a problem with Os, here's a translation of the above text:
Dear Mr Np Ps. Thanks fpr ypur email. Admittedly, the fact that ypu had tp write in capitals in prder tp get tp me reply has made me feel slightly like I'm being begged fpr spme sprt pf inapprppriate favpur. With the greatest respect, surely a man pf ypur esteemed years wpuld have thpught it prudent tp get pne's keybpard fixed befpre trying tp e-wpp spmepne half ypur age? And I literally am half ypur age. As for using a lpver's full name in mpments of passipn. PLEASE! I can pnly say tp ypu ph np Mr Np Ps. Npw if ypu will please excuse me, I have tp gp and remind myself pf my real age. Ypu might want tp dp sp ypurself. Ypurs, yputhfully and keybpard-intactly.
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